Whether You Want Them To Or Not
By Joe Moore
Although I rarely use the numbered list approach it seems the best format for this post.
- IS WACK TRAFFIC BETTER THAN NO TRAFFIC?
- You’re the judge, after invariably bitter experience prior to installing effective anti-spam apps (Akismet, Anti-Spam Bee, etc.)
- 1200 words minimum should be easy.
2. EVER THOUGHT YOU HAD A RABID BLOG POST AND REALIZED THE NEXT DAY IT’S A FIZZLE?
- Prior to release upon the discerning public.
- Come clean!
3. LIST POST OF DISCLOSURES: WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
- You’ll just have to hear me out with this one. At first those bike frames with the springs built in seemed futuristic, but when pedaling you’re actually working against yourself because most of your effort, especially uphill, goes to compressing the spring before the wheel turns. Not that you didn’t already know.
4. HOW DO YOU VIEW LIFE-THREATENING YOUTHFUL HI-JINKS (IF YOU COMMITTED ANY) IN RETROSPECT?
5. STOP AND THINK OF HOW LUCKY YOU ARE SOMETIMES
- A coincidental avoidance of potentially fatal accidents should not be taken lightly.
- I’ve had some close calls a (tall ladder falling out from under me with concrete as the welcoming committee below, dashing across live traffic) that qualified as a middle-age version of “Final Destination.”
6. DO 15-MINUTE WRITING EXERCISES REALLY WORK?
Of Course Nominal Results For Me Do Not Mean The Same For You
- Spontaneous writing ideas, no over-thinking, no mental pre-editing.
- All I can think of off the top of my head (not necessarily as a writing subject but as a free-associated thought) is Calamari (which I don’t partake in) as a popular fast food in nationwide drive-through chains (particularly hamburger specialists.)
- Multi-million dollar ad campaigns regarding who has the best fast-food calamari.
- Calamari pizza—certainly not as an original idea, but as a national pizza franchise sensation reflected in disclosed 2-digit quarterly earning increases.
- Certainly inauspicious initial results as a writing exercise, but I will continue this idea-generating tactic since the clock has already started.
- “She’s sociable and she’s not judgmental. Maybe she’s from another planet.”
“If she is I wish they’d send more like her to earth.”
(Hey, you’re not supposed to pre-screen your writing thoughts, remember?”)
- One thing about this 15-minute, unrestrained writing exercise is that you might get ideas not directly related to writing, or ideas for an entirely different sort of writing than blog posting.
- Whatever general sketch occurs to you in 15 minutes, free-associated on keyboard or pen and paper, Freudian style.
- The main thing here is the spontaneous-thought-recording aspect of Psychoanalysis, as if a person’s mind is temporarily unshackled during the session like a free-range poultry of your stated preference in the comments section.
- Look at the keyboard or your pen and notebook as the couch.
- Your subconscious mind will then take over as the analyst for the duration of the writing experiment, and probably beyond.
- I got this outline—remember, no mental early-editing.
- A dishwasher in a comfortable restaurant doesn’t along with one of the imperious bussers, a potentially violent-looking 40-year old who throws utensils and shoves a loaded glass rack across the overhead frame that busts his head open above his eye.
- Neither one of these employees have said anything to the chefs or management about their mutual animosity.
- The dishwasher, with stitches in his head, misses 12 weeks’ pay according to Health Department regulations requiring fully healed wounds.
- In the meantime he has to take on day labor agencies for half his pay, sent out to unload 120 pound bags of concrete out of boxcars or semi-trailers once out of every five 4:30AM clock-ins—and he’s one of the lucky ones.
- After returning to the job the dishwasher is mopping a coffee alcove at the end of a short, narrow hallway leading to the kitchen.
- Striding toward the hallway from the customer section the busboy carries at shoulder level a round platter with tall champagne flutes and beer glasses that all but obscure his view of the floor, which he wouldn’t demean himself to notice anyway except as something for him to walk on.
- The dishwasher, who hears the busser’s standard arrogant vocal warning of approaching the blind hall corner, pushes his mop handle directly into the path of his shins from alongside the door, tripping him forward.
- It’s not the abrasive busser, it’s the manager who goes down head first, arms down, audibly crashing his nose cartilage on the aluminum edge of the coffee urn counter. Servers converge on the injured manager.
- The dishwasher moves to notify the assistant manager upstairs, but somebody else is already on it so he returns to his station.
- The smirking 40-something busboy, wearing Frank Sinatra shoes and skinny black slacks, is turned around as he walks watching the makeshift triage, knowing the set-up was for him. He minces into the kitchen on sitcom tiptoe past the prone colleague being tended to.
- The prep and line cooks who happen past to see what the commotion is, are strangely indifferent.
- The self-satisfied busser, enjoying the fact that somebody else took the pratfall (it wouldn’t have mattered who) approaches the glass racks.
- The dishwasher, from the other side of the racks pours 2 gallons of liquid soap on the floor that spread toward the busser’s shoes while he watches him looking the other way.
- After a few wild gyrations on the slippery floor while glass exploded all around him, the self-aggrandizing busser flaps his arms like a gooney bird and goes down sideways, his head barely missing the equally unyielding aluminum (but somewhat more round-edged) surface of the dish window.
- Somehow this is just the beginning of the injurious rivalry between the two, and they try to think up ways to top each other out, always in the midst of co-workers to make it look accidental.
Hey, this scenario has nothing to do with any real-life situation, just the flow of instant writing ideas.
- Try the 15-minute, spontaneous writing exercise. You might be surprised at the ideas (not always associated with your website) that crop up.
7. INITIAL FREELANCE PROSPECTS
- Is it true that it’s hard being a ghost?
8. EVER GET SO DISGUSTED AND SICK THAT YOU TRIED TO QUIT WRITING, ONLY TO RETURN EVERY TIME?
- Whether success or bitter, obsessive failure masquerading as persistence, it means you won’t quit.